The video feed clicks on to the sight of a silver-haired man with fuchsia eye shadow and some ... very unusual clothing, casually painting his manicured nails a dark purple. When he speaks, the voice is aristocratic and haughty.

“Greetings, fellow denizens of this realm! My name is Kuja. I seem to have been brought here as a new cast member for this ongoing production. I can’t say much for the wilderness travel, but the spa at Cherrygrove pleases me.”

He seems to be broadcasting from the Cherrygrove Pokemon Center. He holds up a finished hand, studying his work, and then starts on the other hand.

“I might be inclined to settle here, only I wish to see Ecruteak. Tell me, are there any particular hazards we should be aware of on our journey? And once in Ecruteak, what are your recommendations of the best sites for a patron of the arts?”

“Charmander!” A cheery Charmander suddenly peeks up sideways from the corner of the device.

“Ah yes, this is my traveling companion. Apparently they become dragons when full-grown?” He looks pleased by this. “Are there other dragon Pokemon as well?” He’s quite fond of dragons. He may specialize in them.

Whether he was planning to say more or not, the Charmander accidentally knocks the propped-up PokeGear over. “Charrrr ...” It’s definitely an “Oops” tone.

Kuja sighs. “Don’t fret about it.” He carefully picks it back up again without damaging the wet nail polish. “Perhaps that is enough for our opening act. We shall bow out for now.” And he clicks it off.